i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize