There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
