im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
