hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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