had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
