someone owes me an orgasm
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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