just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
