Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize