Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
