Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
