who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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