I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
