Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
