He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
