I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
