were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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