Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If I die, sorry about rent.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
