I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
