Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
