i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
