They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So vagazzling was a success
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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