Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
