Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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