I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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