I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
