I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
