You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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