I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
