Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
