Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
