I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
