So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
