No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I need to align my fucking chakras
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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