Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Someone signed my nipple.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
