DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
MIDGETS
????
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
