I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
