Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
