so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
