She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
