I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
