I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
