Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
