Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
