wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
