my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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