batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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