brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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