dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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