He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
