she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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