The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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