she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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