I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have aggressive nipples.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize