why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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