You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize