and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
