shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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