thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
