Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
