So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
