I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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