just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
