I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
