Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
