She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Houston, we have a blender
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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