omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
