nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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