That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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