She is in my trunk
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
