kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
