You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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