Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
