no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
