I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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