The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
