I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
