When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
