and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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