I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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