so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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