i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
