my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
